7/07/2008

Revelation,

I was working at a Starbucks, not as a Starbucks' employee. It was raining. They were playing "The Doors". And I've found myself singing loud "this is the end, my only friend, the end". And I knew it was all for this blog.
For the few remaining visitors, thanks for reading, I will leave the posts for a while in case you want to read them again. And after a while I will erase them all.

Cheers!

ps: I will start a new blog someday but I won't let you know.

5/26/2008

London is so expensive

that I am starting to use toilet paper on both sides.

5/25/2008

Salt on sweet cookies?!

Why the english put kilos of salt on the sweet cookies? Must be Xenophobia. What other better explanation?

5/23/2008

The big failure of my life...

"The big failure of my life it's been not writing a famous quote".

5/17/2008

People talk to me on the streets,

They sit on my table on the bars, they ask where I am from and comment about argentina, they even get into my private phone conversations. Quote from today while talking to a real estate agent: "You shouldn't talk to them, they are thieves".
For some people this could be very disturbing. As for myself, I think I prefer this rather than people not talking to each other. This makes a lot of sense, there is no reason for not talking to other people just because you don't know them.

Now, if you don't belong to my circle of close friends, please get the hell out of my blog.

5/10/2008

I am 30 but

Everyday I wake up thinking how good it is not having to go to school.
I wonder when this thought is going to disappear.

5/03/2008

Damn powerful advertising,

Being far from home can make you feel lonely, distant, disconnected. But you know what? there is something that always make you feel home. It's not a picture of dad or mom, or a phone call, not even being with someone else. It's the brands that surround your life: If you open the fridge and you find a Coke, you feel home. If your shampoo is on the shower, you feel home. I haven't thought of this before, until my wife made a comment about how she felt regarding the products that she could find here in London.

Could you ever believe that the brands could play such a big part in our lives?

4/24/2008

Losing Spanish,

As a result of living in London (it's been one week) I am already losing my spanish. This is pretty common I think, even expected. What I did not expect is to lose my english as well. It's getting worse every day.

4/21/2008

Horror comics prohibited,

As crazy as it sounds, horror comics are prohibited from being brought to the UK. This is probably an old rule that they forgot to delete. I don't really understand what kind of harm can a horror comic do.
I am sure that the horror comic writers and painters of the UK are the supporters of this law and they are a famous lobby group with great influence over prince Harry.

They also prohibited the walkie-talkies and porn. Among other random things.

4/20/2008

A visit to waitrose,

Waitrose is one of the supermarkets of London. We went to buy toilet paper, which is usually a little embarrassing but if you buy something else that's fine. Even though we all go to the bathroom, it is still awkward to walk with a bag full of toilet paper.
The thing is, we got to that part of the supermarket and there they were: two options for us. The recycle paper, which is good for the healthiness of the planet. And the very very soft paper. We did not know which one to pick:

One of them is a pain in the ass because it's not soft.
The other one is a pain in the ass because it ruins the planet.

I won't say the decision, it's very private. But I can say that my ass is so soft tonight.

4/19/2008

Highly expensive apart-blogger carrer,

I am staying in a highly expensive apartment. However, the broadband is not working and I got a Dial up connection. At first I thought that my career as a blogger would be ruin because of this. But wait, I thought, what career as a blogger???

4/18/2008

Pregnant Ashley

Getting on the internet from London is a nightmare. I am in a beautiful apart hotel in South Kensington, but still, it sucks. I can't even use the Skype or watch youtube videos. The manager has just sent a letter to all the apartments asking: "please do not download heavy files anymore". Fuck the manager, why would you use broadband without downloading things?
There is another thing that changed regarding the use of internet. Some website recognize my ip address coming from London. So I am seeing more english spoken banners.
One of them said: Daily Poll: Is Ashley Simpson pregnant?

It's crazy. It's like we could influence the pregnancy or not pregnancy of a person! what kind of poll is that?

4/17/2008

How to survive in London #1

Thursday. 3 AM. Everyone is sleeping but not us.
Surviving in London is not an easy thing to do. The first thing you need to know is:
The fruits, they sell them by unity and not weight. That's why today I've spent 5 minutes in a hard quest for getting to the biggest avocado. Only because all of them had the same price.
I will keep on posting soon.

4/13/2008

Last goodbye party,

I just got back home from my last goodbye party before leaving Argentina. I really wasn't in the mood for party, but I wasn't sad either. I was in the mood of Nostalgia.
I couldn't stop thinking "we should throw a nostalgia party!". We should eat typical argentinian food, seeing old photo albums, remembering old stories. Why not enjoying something very argentinian that you've never liked? Or dress like gauchos.

Celebrate Nos-tal-gi-a, c'mon! (think of celebrate good times).

4/09/2008

StarWardrobe!


George Lucas is claiming the copyright over the designs of the costume of Star Wars. The designer has been doing business on his own from this designs. Who is right? I don't know. What I do know is that this two geniuses were capable of selling this shit to thousands of freaks.
However, I am planning to use one on my next wedding anniversary ;)

4/06/2008

One less Charlton Heston in the world,

I think we can't celebrate the death of someone. However, this guy deserves it.
I am glad he died of natural causes because this guy would have preferred to die by a bullet.

4/05/2008

Bill Gates not looking


The magnate met the argentinian vice president whose trademark is to have a prosthetic hand. As you can tell on the picture, Bill Gates is doing an extraordinary effort thinking of "not to look at the hand, not to look at the hand, not to look at the hand". Picture talks by itself.

4/04/2008

The creator of the word: "Bathblogging"

So I sat with my computer and my blog opened on the throne and I went like: Why don't I do a little bit of bathblogging? In that very moment I knew that I was going to be remembered, if remembered, by the invention of the word "Bathblogging".

BATHBLOGGING: The action of blogging while sited on the bath.

It's a good word, isn't? Any experience on how to add it to wikipedia? Greatly appreciate it.

And since I am talking about being remembered, I will remember Paul Arden. I would have loved to meet him.

I should probably separate that last note from the previous one but it's time to get out of here.

4/03/2008

Meet Austin, the #1 Boca fan



He is one of the most known characters between kids nowadays. He belongs to the worldwide famous Backyardigans. Her creator, Janice Burgess, based this character on an old uncle of her. As she said on this inverview, he was Argentinian and a big fan of Boca Juniors. That's why Austin never takes the Boca shirt off.

http://www.nickjr.com/shows/backyardigans/back_meet_creatorss.jhtml

4/02/2008

Ukelele playing brazilian prostitutes

Someone got into my blog by typing on google:
"ukulele playing brazilian prostitutes"

My interpretation of this is: there is a guy that would like to see brazilian prostitutes playing ukelele. At first I thought, this guy is a weirdo! but after a short while I thought, "well I would also like to see a brazilian prostitute playing the ukelele, it would be an extraordinary or at least unconventional show".

Anyway, I am proud that people get into my blog in search of such an extraordinary content. I am deeply sorry that I can't deliver the brazilian prostitutes playing ukelele.

How much is your blog worth?

According to this website, they can measure how much is your blog:

http://www.business-opportunities.biz/projects/how-much-is-your-blog-worth/

So, mine is only:
"Your blog, www.brokenglish.blogspot.com, is worth $564.54".

What they don't do is to pay for it. Otherwise, I would have sold it already for sure.

One funny thing to do is to see how much are other people blogs:
Your blog, www.ciegaacitas.com, is worth $89,197.32
Your blog, dispatchesfromtheisland.blogspot.com/, is worth $102,746.28
Your blog, english.martinvarsavsky.net/, is worth $279,447.30

Post your blogs results!

3/31/2008

3 big advices

If I would have to give my child three big advices for his life, I would say:
1-Always hear your heart.
2-Trust your talent.
3-Don't forget your cellphone in a restaurant in which you didn't leave good tip. It's very awkward to get back. I wouldn't like you to live this situation.

I love you.
Papi.

3/30/2008

"Handicap people are people you can trust"


There is two kind of discrimination. Positive and negative. Negative are the ones we all know about. Positives are a little more difficult to find out.
Here is an example of positive discrimination:
"Handicap people are people you can trust".

This is a universal truth: You don't expect a handicap to screw you. But it's so wrong as any other discrimination.

And Paul McCartney's case is a great example of this. He never expected Mills to get half his money! She doesn't have a two legs?! She can't do it.

It's been on the news lately:
The title of the song "Mister Bellamy" of Paul McCartney's new album is an anagram for "Mills Betray Me".

And the handicap girl betrayed him.

Farmers on Strike,

Crisis in Argentina are cyclic. Every couple of years you know that it's coming. Now the farmers are on strike and meat is out of stock in Supermarkets. Argentinians eat meat every day so this is a big deal.
This might be logically wrong but I think it's a fare theory: What if what makes Argentina a failure is eating meat everyday? Or something in our meat? What if we don't eat meat for a while an we come out of the perpetual crisis?
I think that this could be Argentina's best opportunity.

By the way, I am leaving in two weeks.

3/24/2008

Moving for men, moving for woman

Every time we move we get to do some order on our things. Therefore, we open old boxes full of memories.
She found a gift from a 3 year old boyfriend, love letters from her sister, a diploma from kindergarden, all kind of beautiful stuff.
I found a collection of pictures of my self ass naked at a cementery, ass naked at the iguazu falls, ass naked with friends in cuba, ass naked in many other places.

I am planning to upload some pictures of asses to facebook. There you have the chance of identifying every ass with a name.

3/22/2008

Invest in this plot!

It's for a porn movie.
It all starts with Richard Branson, famous Virgin owner, trying to get a new combustible. So he hires a scientist who would be the main character. This dude discovers that his semen is a wonderful combustible. So the movie is about this guy fucking almost everyone to collect his semen. But that's not it. When this goes public, the whole business around petrol crushes. Middle east countries and Usa/Europe start to fight for this guy.
And I need to work on the end, but there would probably happen an invasion from an alien planet who takes him. This aliens are all women with leather costumes and green skin.
Well, that's pretty much everything.

Would you like to invest sir Branson? anyone?

Starring the black and the blond girl from Hi-five.

3/17/2008

I am not someone to trust,

My wife says that changing club preferences is fine for kids but when you are 20 years old you are not allow to change anymore. What can I say? I've felt in love with Boca. Their passion, their kind of players, their stadium, their history. I am so Boca that I couldn't believe that I was a River fan once.
Why not trusting someone who has made such an effort for his beloved team?

I will soon post a picture of myself naked before changing sex.

But one comment said,

A couple of days ago, it was the worst day in the history of my blog: Just 3 visitors.
I am a little proud of this failure to be honest. I keep on writing no matter what. Like the violinist of the titanic, only that I am not on the titanic and I am not violinist either.

But,

One comment said: "I had a bad day and you've made my day". 33,3% of my visitors had dramatically changed the course of their day just because of reading one post of mine.

If the statics persist on trying to make me look as a poor bastard, a walking failure incapable of being read by more than 3 persons in a day, I will keep on posting to change the lives of the readers.

Damn google analytics.

3/16/2008

Saint-Exupéry's murderer,

A German pilot recognized yesterday to be the author of the murder of Saint-Exupéry, in the year 1944. He didn't want to kill the writer, he said he loved his books. I just wonder what went wrong: One of them wrote the little Prince, the other one read it and loved it while being a kid. How come both of them were fighting on a war?

Hoocked on acids,

3/15/2008

Crazy Jap Singer!

London makes you feel that this is the place in which everything happens. I know this very well. I've bought a Coldplay album before anybody else in Argentina, only because I went to tower records to go picking something that it was going to be trendy. A couple of weeks ago I decided to go finding the new best band in the world. But I've only found this crazy jap singer who only knows how to scream like a modern version of Yoko.

Overheard in a bbq,

My friend's son (5 years old) says to his mother: Mom, Id like you to put on the bathroom that toilet paper with the dog. His mother goes: Sorry baby, that's too expensive. My friend: Mom wants us to use cardboard.

Couple of things to mention here:
1-This stupid marketing strategy is working on several levels. The kid thinks it's better to clean his shit with a dog.
2-The guy thinks that because of the dog drawing, it's a softer and therefore more expensive paper.
3-The mother, even if she has refused to buy it before, she has been ashamed in public. And she is feeling guilty now, ready to spend a lot of money in things that this family doesn't need.

it's a sad story. everything has been planned.

Governor I am with you,


It must be difficult for you to find free sex with that face.

New sins,

According to a new bishop at the Vaticano, there is seven new sins. And this sins are:

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

I would love to introduce some sins that are more appropriate for the time being. Just random thoughts.

8. Cumming on somebody's mouth without warning.

9. Making remix versions of rolling stones. Or other legends of rock.

10. Let your dog shit on the street. And enjoy it.

11. Send spam.

12. Masturbating with Jane Fonda exercise videos.

13. Be the pope.

Keep on posting modern sins.

3/09/2008

Warning: Pregnant woman shouldn't watch this.

3/07/2008

Amy Winehouse and Kate Moss together for a good cause,

They just want to save an old pub called George Tavern. I love the fact that they are not doing it because of a fucking penguin. They are signing t-shirts for their preferred pub! not for the health of the woods, for a pint in an ugly old tavern.
They are both so truthful to themselves. Can we say the same thing about politicians involved in green programs?

I am with them, at the end of the day you can't drink a whale with your friends. Just leave the whale and save the pub.

3/04/2008

Date Scarlett Johansson!

So, as you might know, Scarlett Johansson is offering a date with her on E-bay. Last bet I've seen: 13.500 u$s. It's not that high, but we are not even close to the end of the bet.
I've been doing some estimations on this number. My analysis tells me that today:
Scarlett's kiss is 25.000 u$s.
Scarlett's kiss with tongue is 35.000 u$s.
Scarlett's blowjob is 100.000 u$s.

hey, don't judge Scarlett about this, she's helping a foundation.

3/03/2008

Today I met Francis Ford Coppola,

I was leaving the restaurant and he was getting in. We looked at each other on the stairs. I did like a small movement with my head, like saying: Hey, how you doing? I know you. And he did the same thing. But his movement, even tough it was the same, it might meant something different, like: "another stupid fan that thinks he knows me".
I just didn't know what to do.

Changing subjects: Is it true that the NY city gov pays Kevin Bacon to go walking the streets, talking to tourist?

3/02/2008

Nicole Kidman and George Clooney,

Yesterday, I saw the movie called "Michael Clayton" which was really good by the way. But I am still impressed with the titles at the end. George Clooney gets into a taxi and ask the driver to just drive, and we see Clooney thinking and watching through the window. And this shot lasts like 3 minutes without cutting. George Clooney does a great job trying to make you feel things without actually doing anything.
But this had happened before with the resurrection movie starring Nicole Kidman. She goes to the theater after receiving the news that her husband has resurrected in a kid, and you can see a shot that probably lasts longer and it's actually much better. The scene is much better because there is a much complicated plot to be tell, it's the moment in which she realizes what's going on and she cries. And Nicole performs better because she has a clear action rather than "travel in a taxi cab thinking about what just happened".
So Nicole Kidman and George Clooney are both great actors.
But taking these two actors and producing a movie is still not enough.
In 1997, they shot together "the peacemaker". Crappy movie.

2/28/2008

Buenos Aires is now officially...

The latinamerican Venice!

2/27/2008

The bubble boy and the new umbrella,



Do you remember the movie with John Travolta? Well, it's back in fashion. Ladies and gentleman, I give you: "Bumbrella".

2/21/2008

There is a sign...

Painted on a bridge that says: What do you prefer? being happy or being right?
It is some sort of artistic thing, since there is not a brand behind. Not even the name of the artist. I used to think that this was a truthful affirmation. But at this stage of my life, I am able to be happy and be right at the same time.
But I must admit that being always right annoys me. I get so tired of saying "I told you so". It's a very nasty thing to say, but I don't find anything else to replace that phrase.

As for the pronunciation of the streets,

For those of you that dears to visit the neighborhood of Islington in East London. Be aware that when you ask how to get there, it's not ISLINGTON (ailington) but ISLINGTON (Islington) as if it was in spanish.
Everyday you can learn a new thing in London.

Damn trendy hotels,

I am seated at the table of MyHotel in London. I can't believe this place. The room doesn't have a mini-bar. Its the size of a teenager room with a single bed. 12" tv.
And the room is like 230 pounds a night!
What's going on you people? Don't treat me like home, I am in a fucking expensive hotel! It's like those restaurants that say: "Eat like at home". Oh please! don't feed me like at home! (this comment does not pretend to hurt the feelings of my wife who is such excellent chef).

This only makes me miss my family more.

2/19/2008

Fears and money,

Today I am traveling business. As many other people, I am a little bit of afraid of flying. But for some reason, when I travel business I am less afraid. It seems like the economy seats were more scary than the expensive ones.
After thinking it for a while and only based on the facts, I came to the conclusion that what I am really afraid of is to die poor.

There's no place like London!

There’s a whole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren’t worth what a pin can spit
and it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed…
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders,
for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there’s no place like London!

London, wait for me! I'm coming tomorrow.

2/15/2008

When I grow up I want to be Tim Burton,

2/14/2008

Larry David and Carlos Bianchi,



Help me out everybody I need to put in contact Larry David and Carlos Bianchi. Will you help me? I think I can get Bianchi because he owns a restaurante not far from home.

2/12/2008

Lenny Kravitz hospitalized in Miami,


Doctor said it was bronchitis, but it's not. He said that he hasn't had sexual relationships in the last two years. So you don't have to be a genius to know what's happening here: He is over-masturbated. You can see it on the pictures, you can hear it on his voice. It's too much Lenny, you have to stop it.

Stephen Hawking flipbook

Ugly picture but interesting thought




Kurt Westergaard is the guy in the picture. He tried to be witty and draw a cartoon of Mahoma. Today the danish authorities arrested 4 guys who were attempting to murder him. I wonder what he is publishing at the moment. I wonder if he still have any sense of humor left. And most of all, I wonder if he regrets.

Luckily for you Kurt I have a solution! Why don't you draw a couple of Jewish cartoons? Draw Moises or Jacobo, or Jerry Seinfield. We jews we are not going to be upset and you could win some friends between your enemies.

Spanish lessons for the gringos (II)

The porpouse of this section still is to teach the gringos how to speak the basic spanish needed for everyday talking in LatinAmerica.
So hang on to your seat, cause this is the second lesson for the gringos!

#1 "NECESITO UNA DIRECCION, PODRIA AYUDARME? ESTOY BUSCANDO UNA CLINICA CLANDESTINA DE IMPLANTE DE SILICONAS, ABORTOS Y CAMBIOS DE SEXO, EN LA CALLE LIBERTADOR...".

This is a highly valuable lesson. It means:

EXCUSE ME, I NEED AN ADDRESS, COULD YOU HELP? I AM LOOKING FOR A CLANDESTINE HOSPITAL FOR BOOB IMPLANTS, ABORTION, AND CHANGE OF SEX, IT'S ON LIBERTADOR ST..."

Keep enjoying your spanish lessons for everyday talking!

2/11/2008

What happened to Silvester Stallone?

Is it the drugs? He doesn't need no make up fot the next Rocky!

The facebook trap,

I am not a big fan of facebook. But for a while I thought it was the bomb.
Now I just read that you can't quit. I mean, you want to leave and they don't delete your account, because their business is related to having more people connected.
Now even when I like to use it, I hate it as well.

It's crazy that these people who successfully interpreted peoples feelings to connect, all of the sudden they don't know anything about us.

Today I got emotional with Rocky 2,

Even when I hate Boxing, I am crazy about Rocky. And not only the first movies but the latest one as well. If they film Rocky 7,8,9 I would go without thinking.

A couple of hours after Rocky I started to think, how come there is not a great emotional movie about Football? Not just one. Heroes is fine but it is a documentary and Shaolin Soccer is humor. Hollywood should make a movie about the plane crash of the Manchester United team.

2/08/2008

Feel like a poor southamerican,

Lately, I've been told that one of the most successful tours in Buenos Aires is the visit to "La villa". A "villa" is a place where people lives under very sad conditions, specially in terms of infrastructure. Crime is high over there, the police can't get in. It is the argentinian version of the brazilian favela. But in terms of culture, it's becoming very rich. They have their own system, their own music, they do art.
But still, when someone from the first world visits, it's like they are enjoying
the poor quality living of these people. It's like: "Come feel like a poor, do what the poor does, see how the poor lives, and the best thing of all: If you feel sad, if you feel it's enough, if you feel you want to enjoy a huge dish of argentinian meat, we will take you to your 300 us a night hotel and you can forget the whole thing, till you get to your contry and you get to tell your friends how sensitive you are by experiencing these way of living!"

Creepiest thing I've seen in a long time,

_____________________
This little puppy is the creation of a Chinese manufacturer. And it's all over the world now. When you see this puppy there is not a single difference between the toy and the real animal. I can live with that, it's just a copy of the original.
What I can't stand is the fact that they made them breath. They are breathing fake dogs. They look incredibly alive but they are not.
It's so weird. You feel sad for them even when they are not real. You need to touch them only to realize that is dead. It's so pervert.
I think it is actually more pervert than a breathing sex doll.

2/07/2008

Bionic hand,

A friend of mine who lost his hand several years ago in an accident told me that in Spain they are launching a new hand with new technology. This technology allows him to move and control each finger of his hand, a prosthethic of course. This is all great.
The problems seems to be for him that there is a warning message by the manufacturer:
"DO NOT MANIPULATE SEXUAL ORGANISMS WITH YOUR PROSTHETHIC HAND".
This warning has completely discourage him of buying this product. He says he will wait for the version 2.0.

2/06/2008

Not another broken english artist,

"Sensitivity" is the new "Irony"

Now the people who were suppose to be ironic are sensitive. That's a trend.
Have you seen it lately? let me know.

Vacations,

Today I got back from Holidays only to find out that all the problems that I left behind are still here waiting for me. I should have solved them before I left so I could come back fresh and clean of problems but I didn't.
The car is broken, the air conditioning is loosing too much water, the paperwork is undone. Stress is back!
How long does it takes to forget your problems on holidays? 10 days.
how long does it takes to take them back? hours.

unfair.

Paul Newman is dead,

Actually he might be alive, but according to believable information, he might be dead very soon. And since the news is going to spread very easily and fast, I would be glad of being the first in publishing this piece of vital news for the world.
Paul Newman was an outstanding actor, a great father (as far as I know) and I loved his dressings!

Anticipating the future once more, I will also inform the following deaths:
-Michael Jackson is dead.
-Rob Lowe is dead.
-MC Hammer is dead.
-Roberto Gomez Bolaños is dead.
-We are all dead.

2/03/2008

ImprovEverywhere

This guys are creating beautiful communicational experiences. This is the latest one I think.
I would have loved to be there to see it for real. But I couldn't take part of it cause every time I try to freeze I have the urgent need of scratching my nose.

Bon Jovi is reading my blog!

He said: "Nice blog, but I wouldn't read it everyday".
I will gather more opinions from celebrities for you to realize if my blog deserves your visit or not. If you are closer to one, please put me in contact with him or her.
The manager of Woody Allen says Woody didn't see it yet. I am waiting.

Those shoes with wheels,

On my birthday number 30 I tried them on. The guy suggested:
The guy: -Just start by using just one shoe, don't use both wheels at the same time.
Me (thinking): -Are you kidding me? If kids can do it, I will know how to use them!

It was a reality check for me. I can't drive those shoes. I almost panic when I had to use them. I thought I was going to break my neck. It was a nice dream of my 20s, but it's gone.

I think I will try to play the ukulele instead. That's less dangerous.

Music of sad violins please.

ps: is it ukelele or ukilele? it's a poll!

2/02/2008

Avril is using it!

Today's report from Google Trends says that people is crazy searching for the words:
"DOS for dummies". I'm getting it right? Why people would be searching for a book about DOS?
Is DOS the operating system that I knew?
I think it me be a new trend. A couple of kids revealing against the system by using an old operating system, the DOS. Next thing I know, Avril Lavigne is using it. Owen Wilson quits the booze to use DOS. And Urban Outfitters is selling shirts that says: DOS rules! (with old fashioned typo).
WTF?

Moleskine+Barnes and Noble

I wanted to buy a notepad for writing ideas for my blog. I went to Barnes & Noble and I've found an authentic "Moleskine". The notepad that Hemingway used. I've felt tempted but the price was over 25 dollars for a blank notepad. At least, they could have put Hemingway's notes inside.
When I was leaving I thought: this is better than winning a Nobel Prize. You are a truly successful writer when someone is so stupid to buy a blank notepad just because you wrote in one of those.

When I grow up I want to be Gondry III

1/31/2008

Writers+strike+prostitutes,

I have heard that many writers are working now on the prostitution business due to this strike. I've also heard that now they are working as prostitutes, they feel more authentic, honest, free and most of all, creatively challenged.

Jewish broken english joke,

There is a poor Jewish and a rich Russian about to eat. The poor Jew...he only has a couple of fish-heads to lick, while the rich Russian guy has a great piece of beef in a sandwich.
The Russian approach the Jew and ask him:
-How come you Jewish are so intelligent?
-You don't know why? It's because we eat the head of the fish.

The Russian asks him to exchange their food. The poor Jew enjoys his wonderful meal.
After they are done with the food, the Russian says:
-I have eaten the head of the fish but I don't feel more intelligent now.
-You see? Now you are getting smart.

Now make this joke your own by changing the Jewish for your own religion! It's even funnier with Greeks.

1/30/2008

Welcome dear visitor from Latvia,

Thanks to googleanalitycs I know that I have a visitor from Latvia. I don't know if they call them Latvinians, Latvigos, Latvos or how. But I am glad that some of you visited my blog.
Welcome Latvianos!

A thought about computers,

According to my wife, as every year of the dog counts like 7 years of a person, every year of a computer is the equivalent of 20 years of a man.
She should be famous for this wonderful thought!

1/26/2008

Spanish lessons for the gringos,

From now on, this will be a new section in my blog. The porpouse of this section will be to teach the gringos how to speak the basic spanish needed for everyday talking in LatinAmerica.
So hang on to your seat, cause this is the first lesson for the gringos!

#1 "ME HAN CAMBIADO DOLARES POR PESOS FALSOS CON LA CARA DE UNA CANTANTE FOLCLORICA LLAMADA MERCEDES SOSA Y LUEGO ME LOS HAN ROBADO Y CAGADO A PALOS POR NO TENER DINERO".

This is a highly valuable lesson. It means:

THEY HAVE CHANGED MY DOLLARS FOR FAKE PESOS WITH THE FACE OF A FOLK SINGER CALLED MERCEDES SOSA. AFTER THAT, THEY STOLE THEM TO ME AND BEAT ME VERY HARD BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE REAL MONEY.

Keep enjoying your spanish lessons for everyday talking!

Counter Strike banned,

In Brazil, the goverment just banned the video-game called Counter Strike. In a clear response to this, the US would be prohibiting the caipirinha, the song "Garota du Ipanema", and the projection of brazilian football on tv.

They couldn't do it with the brazilian soap operas. They are great!

1/24/2008

What did Hillary do to Bill?

What did she do to him when she saw this?

When Heath Ledger died,

This guy is the editor of The Guardian, Murray Armstrong, and this is how he describes what he did when Heath Ledger died. How he changed the newspaper's cover. It's interesting:

Before the daily discussion at morning conference, another important events takes place --an autopsy of last night's work. The news section of the paper saw various changes throughout the evening. Early editions had a picture of Oscar-nominated Julie Christie on the front page, with a lead story on the Oscars occupying all of page 5. By late evening Reuters was reporting the death of Heath Ledger, who was found in his New York apartment yesterday. This item appeared in the later TV news bulletins and a photograph of the young actor replaced Julie Christie on the front page for late editions of the paper. A full report was carried inside on page 4, knocking the previous lead story there -- the £3m underspend of universities on poorer students -- on to page 5. That meant moving the previous page 5 lead on the Oscars to a smaller slot over on page 4. The page 3 story on President Putin and his new press officer was cut back for the fourth edition to make room for a later news story from New York on Apple's fears that the market for iPods may be reaching market saturation. Each page in the paper has a number of stars at the top and this tells you the last time that a change was made. The number of stars on the bottom left of the front page tell you which edition you are reading. So page 8 of the final, fifth edition of the paper, for instance, also has five stars above a story headlined Police suspect internet link to suicides. This replaced the previous page lead on the Newquay hotel fire. The science page on 12 also shows a late change for fifth edition but the stories remain the same. The page has been changed at this point either to repair a misspelling or to correct a small error or to insert new, more recent information. AL Kennedy's Costa book prize on page 14 has also been changed, this time at the fourth edition. The story and the book extract remain the same but the picture on the page has been changed for a contemporaneous one showing the author receiving the award. Over on page 15 the lead story was changed at the same time from a health-related town planning item to the news of the murder of 14-year-old Jessica Knight in Chorley.

How to make people find your blog,

I've just been told that the most important thing is the title of the entries. If you find the title that people is going to search on that white square of the google search, then your blog is going to be visited. The problem, and there is always a problem, is how to predict what this search is going to be. For this matter, I am going to post the website for a physic called Leevon Kennedy. She is mentalyst and claims to be the result of a relationship between her "mother" Marilyn Monroe and father JFK.

http://www.leevonkennedy.tv/

Brilliant writing,



My mother doesn't cook fish but she could be her.

1/23/2008

this guy was about to eat his own leg,

Read this:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2245103,00.html

Thank god for British newspapers!

Blame the genes,

I went to a place called Johnny Rockets. While I was there, a huge couple sat in a table. When I say huge, I mean really really really huge.
My father said: -It's genetic. Do not judge them.
Me: -Genetic? They are about to eat a nasty hamburger.
Father: -It's there genes what makes them want to eat hamburgers.

I just wonder this, if you are scientist feel free to reply:
-What kind of gen is the "I want to eat nasty hamburgers?

For me it's just another justification for a wrong behavior.
"I am not a corrupt politician, it's my gens"
"I am not a sadist boss, it's my gens"
"I am not a crazy bitch, it's my gens"

If something needs to be justified, blame the genes.

Dexter and Suskind's Perfume

If you red "Perfume" by Patrick Suskind or watched "Dexter" I am sure you got emotionally involved with the main characters, even when they are mass murderers. I am not sure how it works but you get to want them to be free, you want them to escape from the law. Do you realize how powerful a story is?

What about spending this whole day thinking about profound things like this?

1/20/2008

Those lines for the dead people on Sunday's newspaper,

I just don't get why some people write to the dead people on the newspaper. As crazy as it sounds, they probably think their death family or friends somehow receive those lines on the newspaper and their message, of course. In reality, these people don't think they are talking to the death, they just want to show or pretend they are sad for whatever reason.
Wouldn't it be great to reply those messages?
Dear family and friends: Thank you for all the nice things you've said. I love being able to talk to you this way, cause the physic was a little bit complicated due to bad signal. I miss you all. Honey, I think you could have waited a little longer to date your personal trainer. By the way, I knew it. Please when you split my money between you, remember to separate a couple of dollars to take care of my avocado tree.
I will always remember you as well, as long as you keep on posting these lines on the New York times. Love...

1/19/2008

When I grow up I want to be Gondry II

Another new year resolution,

I am going to buy those shoes with wheels and I am going to use them everyday. I will upload a picture next week.

The new BigFoot,

According to an article I've read last week, the myth of the BigFoot is only 50 years old. Apparently, many people started to talk about him and the story, trough word of mouth, tipped. I was wondering if I could replicate this with the help of other bloggers, and to create a new myth for the world.
If you are interested, it's very simple:
1-send me a comment with your blog's address so I can track it.
2-And published something like this between April and May 2008:
"I was hunting on the woods and all of the sudden I turn around and there it was...it wasn't a man, nor a gorilla, nor that stupid myth the bigfoot. I don't know what it was, It was hairy but bold on the back of the head, and what worried me the most, it had a giant "thing". You know, a dick but the size of snake".
3-On family meetings or dinners with friends or even at work just refer at him like "bigdick".

Collaborate. Will do it together!

1/17/2008

Blog policy,

Now the companies are trying to advertise on blogs, to put some money to "influence" on blogger's opinion. Apparently, people don't trust them anymore. They only trust us! As a blogger myself I want to set this very clear from the beginning of this wonderful journey of blogging: If any of you tries to give me some money to make me say something that I don't agree...I would greatly appreciate it.
Keep on trusting me dear reader cause I speak the truth (what a sentence for the history of blogs).

1/16/2008

mycologist,

I just got into Google trends and you won't believe this but according to them, people is searching insanely for the word "mycologist". What the fuck? Is it a new highly contagious fungus attacking the human?
We humans are weird.

Grabbing newspapers from a can trash in a hotel of miami beach,

Hey, the title almost tell it everything. The things is, I am in Miami on vacations.
This morning I went to throw the garbage and there it was: A copy of the Miami herald barely touched and with no stickiness or dirt around. So I said, what the hell. This room must cost 300 a night, but it's really nice to grab something from the trash can.
I didn't like it editorialwise, but how I enjoyed it because of reading it for free!

1/15/2008

Sad numbers,

I am thinking of shutting down this blog. So if you are one of the 14 persons who got in, please send your support! google analytics has given me a strong punch on the face.
Now you can cure me.
Many thanks.

The team of Broken English.

ps: I never thought of shutting down.

Scriptwriters strike,

Dear Scriptwriters,
I just want to be with you guys in this moment. I am dying to see some new episodes of a couple of shows. And I want you to be recognized about all of your wonderful work, with plenty of money.
Having said that, I hope that the writers from Dawson's creek, Beverly Hills, Melrose Place, Ghost whisperer, third rock from the sun and many more...I hope they don't get a penny!

Stealing from Larry David,

On an episode of "Curb your enthusiasm" someone approaches him and tells him he looks young. So he replies: "I am rotting inside". I thought this was brilliant and I wanted to steal it.
It's been 3 weeks from that episode, and nobody told me how young I look.
I am not confident I will use it anytime soon.

1/14/2008

When I grow up I want to be Gondry

Databases and Spam!

I just received a spam that said: Enlarge your penis. I am kind of worried. I think someone put me in a database of small-dick-dudes. And that is not my bigger worry, but: How did they know?

If you are one of this people

Who likes to be the first in everything. Now you have the chance to discover this blog and tell the world you saw it first.

Jenna Jameson retiring from Porn

I am amazed by how professional the porn industry has become. As in any other career, when you are done with it you get to give a speech! And to be honest, I'd rather hear Jena Jameson retirement speech than any other from any regular industry. It's just more interesting.

the property of an idea

I had an idea for an incredible post. It came to me when I was talking to my wife. Actually, she is the one that "had" the idea and told it to me. But would she be able to get that idea if she wasn't talking to me? Is she really the owner of that idea? I might have been the inspiration! At least I want some credit. But she said: I have my own blog, I am going to write that on my blog. So I said, now I got to talk about the property of an idea. And I completely forgot what that idea was. Fuck.

1/13/2008

I like this and I want you to like it too!



It's too long, you don't have to watch the whole thing.

This kind of people,

There is this kind of people. People who doesn't know how to recognize a story that deserves to be told. So they go telling stories with nothing interesting on them. I just hope that I don't belong to this people. Should I remove the last entry? It's just a silly conversation with my brother. I will leave it there for a couple of comments.

on giving books

My wife and I decided to start giving books as gifts for birthdays, christmas or whatever reason. This would be our grain of rice to make a better world (bullshit). Lately, it turned out not a great idea.
Last year I bought my brother one of the books that really made me laugh. Probably the funniest book I've ever read. It's called "A long way down".
A couple of weeks ago, we were talking and I go like: Hey, what did you think about "A long way down?" and he answers: It's on the car, I didn't read it.
P: Why didn't you read it?
V: Cause I am not into fiction.
P: Oh, you are not into fiction. That's sad because you are missing beautiful stories.
V: Yeah...I am not into beautiful stories either.

At this point of the conversation, and because he is a scientist, I assumed that he was only reading science.

P: So, this book would be a great opportunity for you to rediscover the pleassure of reading fiction.
V: I just told you that I didn't want to read fiction.

But I was a little bit mad. Let's suppose that is not a book, but a shirt. And this guy, my own bro, is telling me that he is not interested in using my shirt and he is leaving it resting in a messy dirty stinky car.

V: You should have given me a book that I would want to read. Not a book that YOU want ME to read.
P: But a book that you want to read is a book that you can buy on your own. It doesn’t involve a nice cultural transaction of experiences. My gift means: I had an incredible time reading this and I want the same for you.
V: That’s where you are wrong, if you wanted me to have a great time you should have thought of a book that I would love to read.

Point taken. I realized two things:
1-When you give a book you don’t want them just to enjoy, you want them to enjoy the same way yo do. Is this selfish? I don’t know.
2-My brother is going to sell his messy dirty stinky car with an amazing book. What a great deal a car with “A long way down” on the back.

My friends, this days I am sending some copies of “The tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell.

This is my second entry,

Writing the first entry is just too much pressure for me.